A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO<br>
SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.<br>
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER<br>
OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED,<br><br> 

"DAD"<br>

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ<br>
THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:<br><br>

DEAR DAD,<br><br>

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I<br>
HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID<br>
A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.<br><br>

I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO<br>
NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCINGS, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT<br>
MOTORCYCLE LEATHERS. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION,<br>
DAD - SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES ME THAT WE WILL BE<br>
VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS<br>
SO MUCH OLDER THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE<br>
WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE WINTER.<br><br>

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW<br>
ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.<br><br>

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE<br>
AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH<br>
HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE NEED.<br><br>

IN THE MEANTIME, WE PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR<br>
AIDS SO THAT BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!<br><br>

DON'T WORRY, DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO<br>
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO<br>
VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.<br><br>

YOUR SON,<br><br>

JOHN<br><br>

P.S. DAD,<br><br>

NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT BILLY'S HOUSE. I JUST<br>
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE<br>
THAN MY REPORT CARD WHICH IS IN MY CENTER DESK DRAWER.<br><br>

I LOVE YOU!<br><br>

P.S.S. CALL ME WHEN IT'S SAFE TO COME HOME.<br><br>